I’ve been overwhelmed lately. Between helping my parents, being a landlord, running a small business, maintaining a household, and dealing with my (always) reoccurring health issues, for the last few months, I’ve been a little short on mind space, so to speak. Unfortunately, mind space is exactly what I need to write. Not to do the physical act of writing; I can do that anywhere, anytime, if I know what I’m going to write. But in order to know what I’m going to write, I need to regularly visit a place I call the Dreaming. The Dreaming is where I follow all my whims and figure out my plots. As I said in my previous post, being In The Dreaming is vital to my creative process. And my usual shortcuts to get there aren’t working anymore.

In order to be In The Dreaming, I need to not worry about anything or anyone else and just concentrate on my story, to just let it drift in my uncluttered brain until I make the connections I need to move forward. That kind of freedom from real life hasn’t been available to me lately, and so I haven’t been writing. I want to, desperately, but every time I start, I sputter out. It works like this: I’ll have a day where, miracles of miracles, nothing else is dominating my thought processes for a moment or two, and suddenly, I’m In The Dreaming. I have a wonderful plot, incredible MC, and can see the opening few scenes. Ecstatic, I start to write. I feel happy and productive and content.

And then my life speeds up again. Something breaks in the house or my family needs me or my business gets an assignment.

For a bit, I keep writing while I take care of these real life things. But then I reach the end of what I have plotted and

I. Just. Stop.

It’s like trying to find a handhold on a cliff and grabbing empty air. I dangle in space for a while, terrified, before I realize I have no choice but to just give up and let go. I go back to not trying to write. I tell myself I’ll get to write later. I tell myself I’m a horrible person for not being able to outline the whole thing when I have the time, instead of doing it as I go along. I tell myself maybe I should quit entirely, maybe I’m not a real writer, maybe I’m too delicate to have a full life and a creative career. Other people can do it, after all. Why can’t I?

Then I remind myself of the following: I have a Masters degree in writing. My non-outlining writing process has led me to finish five novels. I’ve had numerous short stories, articles, and poems published. Successful writers I respect have told me I’m good. And most importantly, I want to write and do it every chance I get.

I’m a writer. No doubt.

So instead of dwelling in self-pity, I decided to figure out why I’m not able to write like I want to. I know what the problem is; I can’t get In The Dreaming. I know what’s causing it; my brain is too full of other stuff for me let go and Dream. Now, I just needed to figure out how to change that.

I sat down and made a quick list of all the things that keep my brain full. As I looked this list over, I realized I had control of most, if not all, of these things. It wasn’t real life that was interfering with my Dream time. It was my lack of boundaries. And that’s when I came up with a plan.

I examined each of the things that get in way of my creative time, one by one, and found ways of changing my life to eliminate them. Let’s start with the biggest block to my creative force:

Worrying About Other People’s Problems

This is both the hardest and easiest problem to address. I have a lot of people I care about in my life and when I care about someone, I tend to become codependent. What I mean by that is I take on their well-being as my own and put their issues ahead of mine. It may seem selfless and sacrificing to take care of someone else instead of meeting your own needs, but in reading about codependence, I’ve realized it springs from a place of pure selfishness. It’s much easier for me to focus on fixing other people than look at my own issues and maybe take a chance on doing something about them. Being a martyr involves very little risk. Also, I don’t want the people I care about to be uncomfortable because their pain causes me pain as well. They can’t give me what I need from them if they’re not happy and healthy. So I work hard to make sure they’re content by trying to read their minds to anticipate their every need and fill it. I try to control everything, as if I know better than them what they require in life. The flaw in this logic? I don’t know my loved one better than they know themselves and I’m not a mind reader. No one is. It’s impossible. So, of course, I fail every time and then, not only are they unhappy, but I have let my own needs slide so far that I’m miserable as well. It’s a loop of emotional destruction. Not only do I end up unable to write, I have nothing left when my family really does need me.

In order to not stay up all night worrying about my boyfriend’s school stress or my parents’ finances, I have to remember to put myself first and let go of the things I have no control over. That doesn’t mean I’m going to walk away and leave all my loved ones to fend for themselves while I travel the world in a spa tour. It just means that when I decide to help someone else, I must go through three steps. One: I tell them I’m worried in a non-accusatory way and ask them if they want my help. Two: if they say yes, I do only what they ask for and always check in with myself first to see if it’s too much for me. Three: once the help is given or refused, I let it go because I can’t do anything else about it. Now, all of this sounds ridiculously easy. It’s not. It’s horribly hard. But I’ve resolved to follow this process as best I can. It’s the only way I will ever get back to The Dreaming, so it’s kinda important.

Worrying About Money

This one always hits me hard and messes up my ability to focus on writing because money is all important in the real world, right? And as an adult, the real world should take precedence over imaginary ones, correct? I’m not a child anymore. I need to pay attention to these real world things or my life will crumble. Only children can play all day and expect to be ok in the long run, and that’s only because someone else is worrying about it for them. Being a writer sometimes feels like being a child, in that I get to play all day in my own head. I get to imagine all the time. That’s not being an adult, is it? No.

I reluctantly believed that until I realized one thing: the imaginary worlds I play in and write about are where my money comes from. If I’m stressed because the yard is a mess or we need a new fridge and have no money, then I should write more, not less. I should write long and hard, because it’s my job and if I want to make money to hire a landscaper or buy a new fridge, I need to work. What’s more responsible than working? I just happen to be lucky enough to have play as part of my job. In other words, any time I spend away from writing worrying about money is counterproductive. Writing is the best and most adult action I can take to fix these worries, because it’s where my money comes from. It’s as simple as that.

In order the keep my mind on the writing, where it belongs, I need a way to keep all my other worries in one place. I’ve found making lists to be especially helpful, as it both gets the worry off my mind and keeps it safe so I can address it later.

Health Issues

My health is an overwhelming thing. I have multiple issues, from small to huge. In the last few years, with the help of my boyfriend, my own research, and various medical professionals, I’ve discovered a number of things I can do every day to improve my health and lower my pain levels. One of those things is to not eat foods that damage me, either because of my allergies or because they’re just plain bad for everyone. This has been a challenge, let me tell you. My list of allergies is looooong, and it includes a lot of foods I love and many that are commonly used in our society. In the past, I’ve usually loved pasta with cheese and chocolate éclairs more than I loved being healthy. But all of that must end. In order to have a clear mind and not be distracted by pain, not to mention be able to get to my office every day, I have to change my health habits.

When I was younger, I thought eating badly and being lazy helped me write, because it fuzzed me out and I could get to the Dreaming more easily. Now, either my body has changed or I was entirely wrong, because when I eat badly, I can’t think and sometimes can’t even get out of bed. I need to get myself out of the self-destructive cycle of horrible eating and be responsible for my body. It’s the only way I’m going to have successful writing career. I won’t last long enough otherwise.

Not Keeping a Regular Schedule

With a boyfriend full time in college, property to manage, and elderly parents who have more and more health problems every day, my schedule has had to be very flexible in the last two years. What does that translate to? I plan for four days of office time a week and usually am lucky if I get one. However, beyond emergency situations, I have total control over this. I have the power to say no. I just need to use it more often.

If I still worked for a huge corporation, my at-work time would be mandatory. I’d have to clock in and out on time every day or I wouldn’t get paid and could be fired. Why am I treating my writing time any differently? Shouldn’t I give my writing at least the same level of respect I gave my ex-employer? I certainly care about it more.

This is another seemingly easy fix that is actually incredibly hard. All I have to do is make a schedule and stick with it. It’s that second part that usually stops me. It all goes back to my codependence, just like my constant worrying about other people’s problems. In order to keep a schedule, I have to say no to people I care about and put off things I can take care of later instead of dropping everything to be available at a moment’s notice. This will not kill me and will make me a more productive person overall. But it feels bad. I like doing things for other people. For various reasons, I feel good when I make someone else’s day. The problem is that good feeling usually comes at the expense of my own creativity because I’m doing things for them when I should be Dreaming. A strong schedule gives my mind room. If I don’t maintain those boundaries, my mind will never have the space it needs. So, this summer, along with the changes I’ve outlined previously, I’m also going to set a schedule and stick with it. I won’t plan anything for those days except office time, even that means me in a chair, staring at a wall. My family and friends will adjust, I’m sure. Especially if I get a bestseller out of it.

Being On Social Media

In launching and running a small business, I learned a huge amount about social media marketing. My partner, a business major, taught me a lot, and reading books and blogs educated me even more. Using this knowledge, we built up a steadily rising online following for our business, making invaluable contacts and gathering clients along the way. I’ve already started to apply these same techniques to my career as a writer, finding like-minded people on Twitter and through my blog. It’s a fun process and necessary for being an indie author today.

Unfortunately, it also devours my brain.

Social media is a huge black hole of time suck that I love. I can spend hours on Twitter, following people, clicking links, and favoriting tweets. It’s great for making contacts, but horrible for being creative. Facebook is even worse. After a day of social media surfing, I feel empty, exhausted, and a little frantic because I have nothing concrete to show for it. In contrast, when I spend the day writing or Dreaming, I go to bed feeling calm and productive. I also end up with a completed book on my hands after a while, which I can then share with my online followers. While social media is necessary, it should always take a back seat to being creative. I just haven’t been following that rule lately.

Fortunately, this really does have an easy solution: all I have to do is not be online as often. I’ll still check on things once in a while and I’ll receive notifications if someone contacts me, but from now on, I’m going to write more and limit my time online. It ties in nicely with setting up a regular schedule as well, because I will only be on social media during specific hours of the day.

So there you have my plan to re-energize my creativity this summer. I’m confident this will help me get back to Dreaming and writing again. What gets in the way of your writing? Do you have plans to change it? Let me know in the comments!